I draw in a sharp breath, the air painfully scratching my lungs.

By now, I should be used to the cold. It’s been five days walking without anything, no food, no water. There must be some salvation.

Five days I’ve been trapped walking in circles. Five days without a destination. Five days in isolation. Five days without hope.

I know I don’t have much longer I can go without food. The snow has been keeping me alive so I don’t dehydrate, but it’s getting too cold for me to bear.

With nothing to pass the time except to walk, I’m trapped in my own thoughts. How did I get myself trapped in here? My hell before hell.

Why did I do it? Do I even know why? Can I admit to myself the answer?

I feel like a mad man. Every step I take brings on a new question about my actions and morals.

I’m a prisoner in my own body.

Even if I do give myself an answer, could I live with it? What if the answer is so awful that it can’t be forgiven even with my own self?

A grief, yet again, tugs at my stomach and a silent sob catches in my throat. My lungs have grown used to not making a sound, only breathing. The cold constricts it, in a way feeling like my throat has frozen over.

I grow fearful of my surroundings as the sun sets. Even after five days, I have no idea what’s out here. I have no idea what they are trying to accomplish by trapping me here. I have no idea how to escape.

So, as the light burns out around me, I am, yet again, left with my thoughts.

Why did I do it?



A dark night is illuminated only by the bright white light from the lampposts in stations along the pathway. The rain was still evident on the ground as the light bounced off. Dense fog limited the view to only a few feet ahead.

It was the perfect scene for a horror film. Jamie sighed and lightly sat on a lone bench, waiting for her visitor. She was very impatient, not being able to control her bouncing leg and consistent time checks on her watch. Of course it was hard to read the watch in such a light, but it made her feel slightly more comforted, not exactly sure why.

At times, while she waited, Jamie got lost in her own thoughts; entering a world she and only she could encounter. As soon as she realized what she was doing, she quickly snapped out of it and criticised herself for not having self control. What would happen if she missed them?

It was almost midnight if she was looking at her watch right. Jamie stared wide-eyed at her realization and tears swelled up in her eyes, threatening to spill down her face. If they didn’t come, what would become of Terrance?

Nervously, she got up and paced, sitting down only to take a short break where she only got back up again. Nothing could go right for her. This one chance she got to save him, and she didn’t do something right. She couldn’t get anything right. He wouldn’t have got in this situation if it wasn’t for her.

What if they never intended on showing up? What if this was a trap? What if they just wanted to get my hopes up? What if they set me up?┬áThe thoughts couldn’t leave her mind.

A dark figure appeared, closing the distance between them.

“Oh, thank god! I thought for a minute no one would be coming. Well, I guess I shouldn’t have doubted he would follow through. I mean, he always keeps his word. Honorable man, your boss. What exactly did you need from me? I mean I picked up the backpack and delivered. What am I-” Jamie said, almost all in one breath. What cut her off was the fact he kept walking past her.

“Hey! Hey! I’ve been waiting out here for a very long time and I want to just get this over with.” She screamed. Embarrassment and grief flooded her all at once. What if he wasn’t who she thought he was? What if he was just some random guy? He probably thought she was crazy. Maybe she was.

From behind her, a hand clamped over her mouth. Hard. Panic was her first emotion and Jamie thrashed and fought as much as she could. Then she just felt defeated. This person, whoever it was, was stronger and there was nothing she could do.

She felt the stranger’s breath on her ear, “You just can’t learn, can you? Let it go, let him go. He’s mine. He’s not leaving. I’ve given you enough chances, Jamie. Enough’s enough.”

Jamie felt her breath hitch at the moment she heard the voice. That voice she could recognize anywhere. The voice of the devil. The voice of him. A voice she wanted to never hear again.

There weren’t many things she could register in that moment besides fear. Everything in her life she did was for him. How could she let that go?

A darkness fell over her, paralyzing her sight. Her body reacted by lashing out. This was possibly the worst choice of her life.

In the next moment she was numb.

In the last moment, the earth had gone still.